Exhausted? Maybe it’s anxiety… or something else…
You don’t know why you’re exhausted? You’re fighting a war inside your head every single day. If that’s not exhausting, I don’t know what is.
Breathe. You’re going to be okay. Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared. You survived it. Breath and you know that you will survive this too. These feelings cannot break you. Don’t let them. They’re painful and deliberating, but you can sit with them and eventually they too will pass. Maybe they aren’t going to pass immediately, but keep breathing. This will pass. I promise you that it will pass.
Psalm 23:4 “I will fear no evil.”
Psalm 118:6 “The Lord is on my side; I will not fear.”
A few years ago you could’ve talked to me about spiritual forces and I would have had absolutely no idea what you were referring to. Of course I went to church every Sunday, I studied God’s word, I went to a Christian school, and I read my Bible, but I had never felt any type of darkness or spiritual warfare up until that time (not that I was aware of at least). I had heard of supernatural forces and heard talk about ghosts many times in the past, so if I ever felt anything adversary, I would assume that the place was haunted and that it was just a disturbed spirit; however, having learned what I know now, I’m less likely to think it is just a spirit. Now I just assume that it’s something there to disrupt my own spirit – the spirit of the living God that lives within my inmost being. The powers of darkness have a way of creeping in and making you believe that your house is haunted. (You can rebuke that stuff out of your house in Jesus’ name. You know you have that power living inside you, right?)
Supernatural, Charmed, Vampire Diaries – these shows were toxic to me. You cannot allow darkness into your home or any aspect of your environment. If you watch a certain TV show or film, it’s like you’re saying that what the characters are doing or saying is okay and you approve of their behavior. You may not always agree with them, but the overall premise is your own. By signing up for certain services or programs, you’re insinuating that you share their mindset, their beliefs, and that your heart and soul are in tune with the show’s storyline. If you didn’t like the show, why would you watch it? I’m not talking about shows that you catch occasionally and are watching in a group… I’m talking about shows that you have seen more than one episode of and continue to enjoy. What you spend time doing reflects what you value. There are certain shows that I used to absolutely love and binge watch for weeks at a time that I can no longer leave on in my home. I can’t even allow the commercials to pop up… if I watch them, i feel like i’m welcoming the dark spirits in to the house (and promptly have to rebuke them off the premises). I have nothing against the people in the shows I mentioned. In fact, I used to love watching these shows, but I had a complete change of heart after God brought to me a miraculous healing in my heart, mind, and soul… but more on that later. For now, I want to explain to you why I am so convicted while watching such shows. The only way to truly describe the connection between all 3 of these shows (& plenty of others I won’t mention) is magic. Magic. Ever since I was a child, I was always fond of magic. I became obsessed with Charmed while it was on tv. I had absolutely no problem watching it, and when my friend Stephanie gave me her DVD collection, I was floored. I couldn’t believe I had every single episode at my disposal. Over time, other shows on magic were made. I was obsessed with The Vampire Diaries and watched each episode countless times, looking for each little thing I may have missed. I was in love with the male characters and wanted to be the females. I was haunted by the storyline. Yes, haunted. I found myself trying to figure out how Bonnie (a witch) connected to the different realms with her powers and also what it might be like to be a vampire. I know, it’s a bit odd to talk about that being such a big boundary of mine now, especially when it used to be so important to me. I guess you could say that I was drawn to the characters and the actors for their extremely good looks (superficial) and the storyline itself, which is so dark and complicated. These shows consist of so much sadness and pretty much everyone you grow fond of at one point or another dies. Have you ever found yourself so hurt that your favorite character died in a book, a movie, or a tv show? It’s sadly depressing. You become so attached to these fictional characters that you feel like you know them. I was becoming obsessed with the actors who were playing these characters more so than just the show itself. I didn’t even take a trip to Georgia to try to be on the show or go to a con of some sort to meet the cast, but I did start stalking their instagrams and facebook pages as though we were friends. I never met a single one of them, unlike the people I actually met who I also worked with on another familiar tv teen drama set in Tree Hill, North Carolina… more on that later as well. Supernatural? Oh here we go… this one was an obsession. I’d binge watch it, then watch it again, and then go back and rewatch the shows I’d already seen so I didn’t miss a single scene. If I fell asleep, I’d rewatch the episode before and the episode I fell asleep during so I kept the story fresh in my brain. I wasn’t speaking to anyone or doing much else aside from working and watching this show. Is tv so bad? Sometimes it can be. If you are watching a show that has biblical characters in it, and speaks of good vs evil like you’ve read in scripture, that has to be good wholesome tv right there, doesn’t it? Well, for me it most certainly was not. For me, I was allowing evil to overtake my mind. It started chipping away at me, bit by bit, and I never fully understood why that was happening, nor did I even realize what was going on at the time. A show that mocks God and angels in a way is not a show that I want to watch anymore. This show treats the demons like they’re unstoppable and feels like it’s mocking all that is good and holy and pleasing to the Lord. There were so many deals made with the devil or demons themselves that it made me incredibly uncomfortable, and yet, I kept watching. I have never been so torn between watching a show as I was during my time with Supernatural. The characters were incredibly haunted, and I felt like my house was getting darker and darker as I was watching it, but I really did love watching Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki (Dean from Gilmore Girls!!!) so I had to continue watching their show. I mean, Jensen is married to Danneel, who I briefly worked with on One Tree Hill. How could I not support such wonderful people? I always seem to take it personally when I stop watching a show or the show gets canceled, as though it’s physically hurting those involved. Did they care that I stopped watching the shows I mentioned? They’d probably only care if they knew I was watching in the first place. One of my favorite actors told me on Twitter recently that these days, if you don’t have a Nielsen ratings box, nobody really cares what you’re watching anyway.
Disney magic & the kicker, Harry Potter – If you had told me I’d be writing this years ago, I would have shuddered in disbelief. I was obsessed, absolutely enamored and overwhelmed, by my love for all things Disney. I only watched the Disney Channel and all things Disney, including all the Disney movies I could get my hands on. My goodness, I even did an internship at both Walt Disney World and Disneyland. I felt like I would spend the rest of my life working at Disney in some capacity (preferably Disney Theatre Director or as a casting director or some other background work for their movies… the dream of being a casting director, remember?). Pretty much any Disney movie you watch contains some type of sorcery. I can’t be exposed to that stuff anymore. It’s not healthy for my spiritual wellbeing.
I’m not saying these shows are evil or that you must stop watching them now. I know that everyone is affected by things differently. I know that I’m far more sensitive than most people. All I want to do is make you aware of what could happen. It’s so easy for the darkness to creep in, allowing you to believe that it isn’t all that bad. You let your guard down. Maybe you take off your “Full Armor of God” for a moment and relax. Pretty soon Satan has you just where he wants you. He did it to me. I’ll explain more on that in my next post.
I’ll leave you with something I read not long after I was going through the darkness. It goes a little something like this:
I asked God, “Why are you taking me through troubled water?” He replied: “Because your enemies can’t swim.”
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