It’s been quite a while since my last post. To be completely honest, I didn’t know if I’d ever post here again. I don’t like to be reminded of my struggles with feelings of inadequacy, guilt, fear, and abandonment. I like to be kept whole and feel loved, but that isn’t always the reality we are faced with, is it? Too often we try to push the negative emotions away to a dark corner, never to be seen or felt again, but that isn’t healthy at all. What is healthy is going to therapy, talking to people who love you, showing others that they matter, and letting go of the people who make you feel less than. Less than what? Less than enough, less than you deserve, less than God wants you to be, less than your worth. Be bold. Go humbly, pray fervently, and live a life without fear or regret.
I recently went to my cousin’s wedding in Pennsylvania (an extremely family-packed busy weekend with minimal sleep). I realized after the trip that it has been years since I’ve allowed myself to feel loved. Yes, I know my family and friends love me, but I’ve been so closed off from negative emotions, fear, and anxiety that I haven’t allowed myself to feel the good emotions either. In order to be open to love, you become vulnerable to the sadness life can deal your way… open up anyway. The love will be worth it. The good will undoubtedly outweigh the bad. Bad relationships seem to have been the norm over the years for me personally, but without opening my heart back up, I’ll never be able to find those friendships & relationships that are positive and will continue to allow room for growth, love, strength, compassion, & joy.
Never let anyone steal your joy. You are worth far more than precious jewels. You are chosen. The creator of the universe knows you by name & loved you. You are his. I have heard his precious voice in moments of extreme distress, danger, & dark depression, but oh what a sweet, loving voice! How precious indeed!